


Human emotions

by The2ndBliss



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Crushes, Dark Sparks, Elliott is trying his best to help his friend, F/F, Fluff, Insecurity, Kissing, Light Angst, Light Drinking, Scars, Short Story, Wraiths voices are being annoying, awkward gays being awkward
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:46:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26267443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The2ndBliss/pseuds/The2ndBliss
Summary: Things haven't been easy in the past months...the whole Artifact fetching quest escalated way too fast for Wraith’s taste. And that's all thanks to their new - well now not so new anymore - Legend Loba. She doesn't really care about her and what she's up to but there is one thing...or more like one person she does care about. And that's Natalie.Aka. Renee is hardcore crushing on her best friend but she's too afraid to tell her and her voices are just making it worse. This (short) story is set at the beginning of season 6 (no comic spoilers)
Relationships: Wattson | Natalie Paquette/Wraith | Renee Blasey
Comments: 6
Kudos: 101





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first post on Ao3 (I hope I'm doing it right). And heads up, english is not my native language. So apologies for any grammar or spelling mistakes in advance. I'm always open for constructive criticism though - I want to improve my english writing :)

Things haven't been easy in the past months...the whole Artifact fetching quest escalated way too fast for Wraith’s taste. And that's all thanks to their new - well now not so new anymore - Legend Loba. She doesn't really care about her and what she's up to but there is one thing...or more like one person she does care about. And that's Natalie. Wattson got hurt because of that stupid fetching quest and had to deal with even more when everyone shouted at each other. Natalie was a grown up woman, Renee knew that but still...she cared about her. They got a bit room to breathe but then there was another new Legend coming into the Apex games and Renee wasn't sure what to make of her - Rampart. They've been fighting in World's Edge for the past days, since they applied some changes to the arena to make the games more...interesting. It was nice to get back to somewhat normalcy...if you can call the Apex games "normal". Ever since the escalation with Loba and the others Renee and Natalie became quite close friends actually. She liked the company of the younger woman...maybe a bit more than she should. Renee was never much of a social person but neither was Nat so they both could relate with some problems. Yet here they were on World's Edge in the sorting factory, always a place to be on edge. The skirmisher drew her Triple Take closer and watched the perimeter, while Natalie built her Fort and Crypto did some surveillance scans with his drone. There were only 3 squads left so Wraith was on full focus, she had a good run, especially with Nat on her Team. However her thoughts came to a stop when she spotted a squad. Caustic, Revenant and Mirage. Renee felt bad for Mirage for a second, Caustic and Revenant were definitely not his type of company nor good team players.

"Alright. I've seen Mirage, Dr. Caustic and Revenant coming closer to us. They haven't spotted us yet." Wraith hopped down from her high ground and slipped inside the building, everything fenced off of course. Wattson’s face went a bit darker and she held her Devotion even closer to her when the skirmisher mentioned Caustic and Revenant.

"We have a good position here. Ring should be in our favor." Continued Renee and Natalie smiled a bit.

"Agreed. I've only seen Bloodhund. I think they're on their own." Crypto stood up and stored his Drone device on his back. He then came closer and offered Wattson some energy Ammo. She was short on it, since the last fight was kinda messy.

"Here take the rest. I'll fight with my R-301." Wattson gave him a cold look but took the Ammo nonetheless.

"Thanks...that doesn't change things you know." Crypto blinked a bit surprised but nodded his head. It seemed like he didn‘t want to fight right now...or just wanted to give Natalie some space.

"Right."

Wraith just watched this scene, she never saw Wattson acting so cold towards anyone...but things have changed ever since the argument about the mole. However she would talk about that with Natalie after the game...they had to score their victory now. 

"Ok we're all set up. Let's win this." Wattson’s face lit up a bit, after her friend talked and nodded enthusiastically.

Renee went back to her spot and it took her a few seconds until she saw Mirage...but not Caustic or Revenant. She waited for a second to make sure that it would be the real one, if she hated one thing it'd be hearing that cocky "bamboozled" all across the map. But the way he moved and especially talked to himself was revealing, she readied her Triple Take and fired. Mirage panicked and he tried to make out where the shot came from, but the skirmisher already shot again. He tried to get some cover but Renee was very good at reading his movements and was able to down him. She just wanted to tell the others via the comms but then she heard her voices.

_**"They spotted you. From below."** _

"Shit." Wraith got up and readied her Wingman...she could hear Nat's Pylon and the shouts from the both of them. 

Renee kicked the door down and aimed the Wingman at any threats - Caustic and Revenant - and of course they were protected by Revenant’s Totem. The angry black-orange Aura surrounded both of them. Crypto was already downed by Caustic's Peacekeeper, while Wattson gritted her teeth and kept shooting at Revenant. 

"Accept your death." But Natalie had none of that and shouted at him.

"You're just a program with a scary voice modulator. And that's all you EVER BE!" with that she continued shooting at him with her devotion and she managed to send him back to his totem but his last shot connected and she was downed as well. 

"Your potential is wasted on such a squad like this Ms. Paquette." But before Caustic or Wattson could say anything more Renee shot him in the back of his head and sent him back to the totem too. Time was of the essence now, Crypto was gone and Nat was heavily wounded. 

"They'll be back shortly. We have to move...fast." Renee grabbed Wattson’s Arm and opened up a portal to escape from their current location since all of the fences were broken. The skirmisher knew that they'd be able to follow them through the portal but they had to move so she picked Wattson up and they walked through the void as fast as they could. Wraith carried Wattson over to a somewhat safe area inside the factory, not loosing any time, she took a syringe and gave her the injection. But now they heard shots outside...but not only shots. It was an air strike. 

"Hang in there Wattson. Almost done." Natalie had such an angry expression on her face, Renee rarely saw that one...

"It...It was my fault..." Wattson coughed a bit and tried to breathe. So she was furious about herself? Or this whole situation? Renee didn't really know what to say but they had no time for that now.

"We can play the blame game later. How do you feel now?" Wraith helped Natalie sit up a bit, she still heard the explosions from above...they had at least some time to recover.

"Better...thanks for coming through for me again Wraith." Wattson tried to smile but both of them knew that it was forced. Both usually were on first name basis and really good friends but inside the games they wanted to be "professional" so they always used their code names.

"Come on. I need you in this last fight. We'll win this." Renee stood up and pulled the younger woman up with her.

"Ok...ok." 

"Seems like Bloodhound was not alone...They still have Gibraltar with them." Wattson nodded to Wraith’s statement and as soon as they got up the shooting stopped. Only 2 teams remaining. One more fight.

_**"They're coming. To your left."** _

The skirmisher aimed her Wingman and thanks to an ultimate accelerant Wattson was able to build another Pylon for incoming grenades or worse - Caustics gas...if their squad was still alive. But Renee had a feeling that they'd have to fight Revenant and Caustic and she was correct, as both of them kicked the door down. Two against two. Wattson got in front of her and started shooting with her devotion towards Caustic. Renee covered her friend of Revenants shots and she stepped outside their safe place to aim a little bit better - however she got immediately silenced by Revenant. She tried to remain calm but panic slowly rose in her gut, she was taking to many bullets and she couldn't phase. Her cover was only a lousy box which would probably give in any second and the skirmisher heard rushed steps getting closer and closer. Plus she didn't have sights on Natalie down here, she only heard the shots of the peacekeeper and then silence.

"Come on..." whispered Wraith and pulled her Wingman closer, there was no time for healing. With all of her remaining energy she jumped up across the box and tried to shoot Revenant point blank in his chest. But he was already too close and grabbed the skirmisher by her throat, pushing her against the metal box.

"Heh. Pathetic." Rage boiled up in her mind and she tried to stab him with her Kunai but then she heard the shot of a peacekeeper...for a second she thought that Caustic shot her in the back...however it was Revenant who fell backwards on the ground. Confused and coughing Wraith looked up and Wattson grinned bright while holding the peacekeeper. 

"We have our Apex Champions!"

Renee let out a weak laugh and sat down on the floor to catch her breath, it could've gone smoother, she should've been faster but she was glad that Nat got her back. Speaking of the engineer...she stood in front of her and offered her a hand. She smiled a little bit and let Natalie pull her up on her feet.

"Thanks. That was a close one." Huffed Wraith...the exhaustion was kicking in...it has been a long game and they had to fight against so many squads today. 

"You're welcome. Sorry I was out of ammo so I had to take Dr. Caustics peacekeeper." Wattson let out a relieved sigh but then she looked up with regret in her face.

"I almost got us all killed before...I'm sorry Re-...Wraith." 

"What even happened? You guys didn't say anything." both of them were walking outside the factory to get picked up by the drop ship in the meantime. Wattson averted her gaze and went silent for a second.

"I was thinking back to...when everyone was arguing...but then it made me so angry. I just don't know why but..when I see them I'm just so angry...because they were angry! Ugh and now I'm angry THAT I'M ANGRY. I didn't pay attention...and it resulted in loosing Crypto." Wattson flailed her arms in the air and crossed them in front of her chest.

"You're angry...that...you're angry?" repeated Renee slowly.

"Of course! Being that angry doesn't feel...right." And Wattson looked down on the floor but her friend already patted her on the back.

"Being angry is a human emotion Nat. And you have all the right to be. If you don't overdo it...then there's nothing wrong with that. I'm often angry and you still stick around with me...so it can't be that bad huh?" Natalie huffed amused by that statement but then the drop ship arrived so they had to stop their conversation for a second. Since they were the winners and with that the last ones on the battlefield, they had their own drop ship - which was nice - both liked the silence. Renee and Natalie sat next to each other and the younger woman rested her head on the shoulder of the skirmisher.

"You're not a bitter person. Renee." Whispered Wattson suddenly after a few minutes into their flight and Wraith blinked a few times - confused.

"You're actually very sweet." Continued Wattson with a giggle and the older woman tensed up...was that a...was she blushing right now?? Why does that keep happening in front of Natalie?!

"If you say so Wattson." Natalie immediately looked into Wraith’s eyes and pouted at her.

"The game is over Renee. Stop that. You just called me Nat a second ago." The skirmisher only smirked and Natalie poked her softly in her side. Renee suddenly felt that fuzzy sensation again, like her ears and her face were...on fire? She never recalled having a crush, but in the past weeks she had to admit to herself that she indeed developed one on the young engineer. Natalie always treated her like a normal person and not like “that one Legend who hears the voices and is cold all the time”...no she was...so genuine and kind towards her. At first it caught her off guard and she didn't know how to talk to Wattson but now it was different. While Natalie was talking most of the time because Renee isn't much of a talker, it was always nice to see her getting excited about her work or just something minor. But Wraith snapped back to reality and thought a bit about Natalies words before...

"Why are you so concerned about being angry?" Natalie didn't expect Renee to talk so she blinked confused a few times.

"Oh...uh. I just don't want my mind being clouded by something like that. Also I think people are so taken aback by seeing me like that...you've seen Cryptos face today." Explained Natalie and fiddled with her jacked.

"I mean you're right. You shouldn't let your anger decide for everything. But it's like I said it's a human emotion Nat, not everyone is happy all the time...that would be concerning actually." Natalie smiled at Renees words and nuzzled herself a little bit closer to her.

"I guess you're right. I always hated when people treated me like a little child...but now I might know why...because I've never shown them my anger. Or not much at least." 

"You're not a child Natalie. Children don't talk back to Revenant like that." Renee giggled a bit now that she thought back at the fight where Natalie was shouting at him.

"I uh...I was actually very scared." Admitted Natalie and sighed.

"Well I didn't see any fear. And thinking back to it...Nat you have more guts than any other legend. Me included." 

"Pff, that's not true." 

Renee didn‘t try to convince her but she now saw that her friend was shaking a little bit. She didn‘t notice it until now but it was indeed very cold inside the drop ship. It was getting late after all...

“Are you cold?“ 

“Ah...I will survive it.“ but Renee already took her scarf and put it around Natalies neck. She laid her arm on the younger womans shoulders and pulled her - a bit awkwardly - closer. Usually she was not used to so much...body contact...but she didn‘t mind when it was Natalie. 

“Merci Renee...I'm so glad to have such an amazing friend." Mumbled the engineer and she saw Renee‘s rare smile for a second. After that Natalie nuzzled herself even closer to the skirmisher who was tensing up for a second but relaxed again.

“S-Sorry...too much?“ 

“No! No...I‘m just...you know. Not used to it....and thanks...I‘m glad to call you my friend too.“ mumbled Wraith and she wanted nothing more to punch herself for stumbling over her own words. Friend. That was a rare word which Renee used but it somehow had some sting with it. While she was very happy with her current friendship with the engineer...deep down...deep, deep down...she wanted more. But she was afraid...of loosing her? Not being good enough? She had so many problems inside her head and never even considered a relationship...but here she was.  
Natalie only smiled and both of them stayed silent for the rest of the flight. They soon arrived the base and were greeted by everyone - congratulating them to their win. Crypto joined them too and Wattson sighed a little but was as calm as possible. 

“I should‘ve been more careful back there...you two fought good.“ Wraith just nodded at him and Natalie thought for a second what to say.

“...thanks...I should‘ve been more careful as well. Still...you didn‘t mention Gibraltar.“ 

“Yeah...I didn‘t see him back then.“ Crypto looked down a bit and Wraith wanted to say something but she didn‘t knew exactly what. But it didn‘t matter since Mirage walked into their conversation.

“What‘s with the glum faces? You guys won! Also not cool Reny. Ambushing me like that.“ Renee instantly glared at him and readied her Kunai.

“Don‘t. Call. Me. That. Besides you were sloppy...being out in the open like that.“ Mirages face went white for a bit and he held his hands up in the air - apologetically.

“Sorry, sorry. Tch. Revenant didn‘t tell me about his totem plan. Guess I was just the distraction without being...yknow...ASKED. Nice shots though...hurt like hell.“ 

“I hope they did.“ 

“Aw come on. Don‘t be like that. I had to hang around with them all day...it was EXHAUSTING.“ Elliott laid his arm around Renees neck and held her closer. The older woman crossed her armes and let out an annoyed huff.

“I don‘t envy you.“ 

“Wow! Sympathy? From you?“ Mirage looked at her with wide eyes and then to Natalie.

“You guys should hang out more. You‘re a good influence Wattson.“ Natalie giggled a bit but Renee pinched him in the side.

“Ow! Ow! Come on guys, how about we all hit the bar today? Let‘s celebrate your win.“ 

“That would be wonderful!“ Wattson clapped her hands and she removed her cap. Her blond short hair puffed out and she ran her fingers through it. Renee couldn‘t help herself but stare, she was always amazed by Natalies beautiful hair.

“What about you glumface?“ asked Mirage towards Wraith and the skirmisher sighed a bit. She did like to have a drink or two after a good win but she felt very drained today. The voices got louder and louder...it was getting annoying. It was that kind of day again.

“I won‘t say no to a few drinks...but not for long.“ Renee rubbed her temple, she already felt the soreness from the battle and added:

“I‘ll see you guys later.“ 

With that Renee waved, left the hangar and went towards her quarters to get a shower. Her head was feeling a little bit better after the hot shower but the voices were still rambling...often happens when she was over-thinking…especially lately about her best friend. Sometimes the voices told her to ask Natalie out, sometimes they told her to stay silent and if it’s a bad day - like today - they were telling her both. She might not seem like someone lacking confidence but she grew more and more insecure when she thought about Natalie. Barely knowing herself and now wanting a relationship? Did she even deserve such happiness? She’d be such a burden to the younger woman. Renee tried to push away her thoughts while she changed her clothes into some black jeans, a loose white shirt and her favorite leather jacket. But she didn’t succeed…

**“You should just tell her.“**   
_"No don‘t do it. She just wants do be friends with you.“_   
**"She likes you.“**   
_“Give it up. It distracts you. Too dangerous.“_

Renee sighed annoyed, shook her head and walked towards Elliott's bar. It was only early evening at this point but the bar was already pretty full. She could see Natalie with Ajay, Octane and Pathfinder in the middle but she chose not to go to them. With her head already throbbing, Wraith didn‘t feel like talking right now and went straight to the bar where Elliott was already grinning at her.

“Appletini?“ 

“Hmh.“ and Renee just leaned against the counter rubbing her temple again. Maybe a drink or two would make her relax.

“Are you ok?“ Elliott leaned down a bit and he asked very careful and soft. He could be annoying and an idiot for most of the time but he counted as a close friend to Renee. He knew her well and often realized very quickly when she didn‘t feel well.

“Just...just the usual. I‘m fine.“ 

“Alright. Happens quite frequently now hm? Ever since you told me that you have a-“ Renees head shot up and she glared at him.

“Shhh!“ 

“Come on relax! They‘re over there...she can‘t hear you here.“ giggled Elliott and slid the drink towards Wraith. She just shook her head and took a long sip.

“Soooo? Have you asked her out yet?“ 

Renee put her drink down and let out an annoyed sigh...or more like frustrated.

“You know that I can‘t.“

“Hah! And why‘s that?“ Mirage laughed a bit and nodded towards the group where Natalie was standing.

“You know why. I...I‘m me. And I never...imagined to do that relationship stuff. Ugh.“ Renee put her head on the counter and grumbled something while Elliott laughed again and shook his head in disbelief.

“She LIKES you Reny! Geez. The way she looks at you?! Don’t you see that?“ 

“I said that you shouldn‘t call me that Witt.“ Renee looked up with a cold expression but sighed because Elliott wasn‘t really impressed by her threat.

“I just don‘t know what to say. I‘m 32 and can‘t even give a proper hug. I never recalled that I had a relationship. I‘m a mess when it comes to that stuff.“ and with that Renee took another strong sip.

“Aren‘t we all here? Come on, you’re usually not lacking confidence inside the arena.“ 

“That‘s fighting and surviving Elliott. Not the same.“ 

“Look. You might not be the most empathetic one here. And yes you can be very awkward when it comes to certain human interactions. But just open your eyes! Natalie doesn‘t mind! She told me that you were her best friend a few days ago.“ explained Mirage feverishly but he also looked carefully to the group with Natalie...Renee would kill him if they‘d hear this conversation. 

“See. Best friend! That‘s all I am for her and that‘s ok. I‘ll get over it...I‘d rather have her as friend than...her leaving.“ Elliott groaned over Renee’s reply and threw his arms in the air.

„Natalie isn‘t too good with people either. The fact that she‘s calling you her best friend IS HUGE RENEE! Besides just because she said that doesn‘t mean automatically that she doesn‘t want more. That. Is. Why. You. Should. Ask. Her. Out!“

“And make her uncomfortable? Great plan.”

“Uuugh. Sure there is a risk. But aren’t you usually prepared for that?” Mirage grinned a bit at Renee and she rolled her eyes. 

**“He‘s right. Ask her. Now. She‘s in here.“**   
_“Don‘t! You‘ll loose her!“_   
**“ASK HER!“**   
_"STAY HERE!“_

“They’re not really good at giving relationship advices.” Renee sighed and rubbed her head, she thought that the alcohol would help her relax but now the voices got even louder and Elliott didn‘t help much right now. It usually helped talking to him but sometimes it just was a lost cause. But he seemed to notice Renees tension and he calmed a bit down.

„Look. I don‘t wanna be too pushy. You‘re a very good friend to me Reny and I want to see you happy. Just try to relax tonight hm?“ 

„...Call me Reny one more time and you won‘t survive tonight.“ 

“Yeah, yeah. Both of you deserve to be happy. Keep that in mind.” Renee looked him sceptically in the eyes.

“Deserve huh?…Do I deserve it? I don’t even quite know who I am…or was.”

“You’re Renee Blasey. One of my best friends and I know you enough to tell you, that you deserve it. And I’m pretty sure that Natalie thinks the same about you.” The skirmisher was a bit taken aback by Elliott's kindness…usually they just bicker at each other. She didn’t quite know what to say but smiled faintly. 

“Thanks Elliott...for that and for...looking after me.“ 

“Anytime.“ 

Renee kept drinking on her Appletini and was into her second but Mirage soon furrowed his brows in worry because his friend looked paler and paler...even more than usual. She needed rest but he knew to well that Renee doesn‘t want to show any signs of weakness. Then he looked towards Natalie - poor woman - she tried so many times to come over but the group of hers kept her close...especially Octane who watched most of their fights since he was taken out early and wanted to know exactly how they survived all their encounters.

“I should get some rest...I don‘t feel...so well.“ murmured Renee after she finished her second drink and got up.

“Alright...Natalie tried so many times to come here but...well she‘s occupied.“ replied Elliott and nodded towards the group.

“...I think I can‘t talk to so many people right now. I‘ll...talk to her tomorrow.“ 

“Ok. Get some rest.“ 

“Hmh.“ 

Wraith got up and almost fled outside the bar, the noises, the music, the people...it was all too much right now. She stumbled towards her apartment and didn‘t even make it to her bed, she just fell on her couch and curled herself into a ball...the voices getting louder and louder.

**“Tell her! Now!!“**   
_“No don‘t talk to her!!“_   
**“TALK TO HER!!“**   
_“DON‘T! LOOK AT YOU! YOU CAN’T EVEN STAND! PATHETIC“_

„S-Shut up!....SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!“ Renee cursed over and over again until she found somewhat of sleep. It wasn‘t actual sleeping…more or less like a nap because the voices would wake her up every now and then. However the exhaustion did its part and made her fall asleep again and again. Until a soft knock on her door woke her up. Renee didn‘t know how much time passed and she found her jacket on the floor. Confused she got up and opened the door. It was Natalie looking at her with wide eyes and concern. She was wearing an orange hoodie and blue jogging-shorts so some time definitely passed.

“N-Natalie?“ 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for leaving kudos! Have fun with the second and last chapter :)

“N-Natalie?“ 

“Hey. I wanted to give you your scarf back…thanks again. I wasn’t able to catch you at the bar…“ and Natalie took out Renee’s scarf and held it towards her. 

“My...OH! Thanks! Almost forgot about that.“ Renee awkwardly took the scarf out of Wattson’s hands and didn‘t quite know what to say next.

“Are you...ok? You left early back there...“ Natalie’s blue eyes fixated on Renee’s, worry written all across her face.

“Oh uhm...well I...had to get out of there. Too loud...you know.“ Renee nervously scratched her neck a bit and looked to the side.

“Yeah...that‘s why I didn‘t stay for too long either.“ 

“W-What time is it?“ 

“It‘s a bit past midnight.“

“Ugh. I slept for almost 2 hours.“ 

“Oh I‘m so sorry! You were asleep?“ 

“Don‘t worry about it. I was waking up occasionally.“ and Renee sighed annoyed as the voices slowly got a bit louder again. But she realized that her poor friend had to stand in front of the door the whole time and she bit her lip.

“D-Do you want to come in?“ 

“I...If it‘s ok for you?“ Renee just nodded and Natalie slipped inside her apartment. It wasn‘t the first time for the engineer to be in this apartment since both visit each other every now and then. They walked towards the kitchen and Renee got some cups.

“Hot chocolate? Tea?“ 

“Hot chocolate would be wonderful chérie.“ answered Natalie quietly. Renee nodded while blushing a little bit about the nickname. She made the hot chocolate and some tea for herself. 

“I don‘t want to sound rude Renee...but...you look exhausted. Is everything alright?“ asked Natalie carefully as her friend put the cups on the table and sat on the other side.

“Oh uh...just one of those days. The voices are very loud again.“ 

“I’m sorry…I hope I don‘t bother you then? I can imagine that talking right now is...a lot?“ Natalie fiddled with her mug, they talked a lot about their problems and the engineer was always careful not to distress Renee. 

“No..no it‘s ok. One person is just fine...especially you Nat. A bar full of people...not so much.“ Natalie’s face beamed up and she grinned when she saw a faint smile on Renee’s lips.

“You know...it suits you...when you smile.“ Natalie giggled a bit when Renee looked away trying to hide her blush. As Renee did that she noticed now how much her neck hurts. Sleeping on the couch definitely was a bad choice but otherwise it could’ve been the floor. She tried to rub her shoulders and neck as subtle as possible but it just made her flinch.

“Are you hurt?“ Natalie almost jumped out of her seat, startling Renee.

“Ah no. It‘s just my neck...I slept in a stupid position on the couch...didn‘t make it to the bed. Guess that’s how it’s like when you’re getting old.“

“You‘re not OLD Renee!“ replied the engineer and laughed. 

“Everyone gets that when they sleep in a weird position. Besides...do you want me to have a look at it?“ Renee’s face heated up and her mouth was partly open now.

“I...You...what?“

“Ajay taught me some tricks...because I have the same issues when I work too long in my workshop. I could loosen up some spots.“ Renee couldn‘t reply at first, just the imagination of Natalie’s soft fingertips on her skin sent her shivers down her spine. They occasionally hugged or Nat often rested her head on Renee’s shoulders every now and then…but that was it. Wraith certainly knew about her scars...especially those from the time with the IMC when they put syringes into her spine. She didn’t recall all of it…but there were fragments of some memories. Oh how she hated these marks. The constant reminder of what they did to her…what they took from her…it made her furious. 

“You don‘t have to Renee. I don‘t want to step over boundaries.“ Said Natalie as she noticed Renee’s anxious expression.

_“Say no! She shouldn‘t see those scars. It‘ll scare her.“_  
**“You trust her. Open up a bit.“**

“...No...no it‘s fine. You can do it.“ answered Renee sheepishly while grabbing the hem of her shirt.

“Ok...if it makes you feel uncomfortable we can stop. But we should move to the couch.“ Renee just nodded walked to the couch and sat down, Natalie behind her.

“Alright can you lift your shirt?“ asked Wattson softly. Renee hesitated for a second but did it anyway. With a quick movement the shirt was gone and she was very happy for still wearing her bra. She knew what was coming and her stomach turned upside down when she heard Natalie’s almost silent gasp. Wraith sighed and rubbed her neck.

“I know, I know. Doesn‘t look nice.“ huffed Renee but Natalie already grabbed her wrist and pulled her hand away to have a better look at the scars which started just below Renee’s neck. They were white puncture scars, some bigger some smaller and almost went down her entire spine. Natalie carefully grazed with her fingers over them and her friend tensed up a bit.

“Did...did they do this to you?“ whispered Natalie and rested her palm on Renee’s back. The skirmisher once told Wattson about her past...at least what she could remember from back then. She did mention the experiments of the IMC, however not the scars.

“Yeah.“ 

“Does…does it hurt?” 

“Not physical pain…no. But the memories do. Well not like actual memories...” Renee trailed off as she tried to find the correct words.

“More like a nightmare. It’s so distant and I only remember fragments. I see the faces of the scientists and I can’t recall knowing them…but at the same time I do. Every time when I’m close to remembering something it just…slips away…and the voices get louder and louder. It’s like I’m caught in a storm.” Natalie suddenly hugged her from behind and held her tight which made the skirmisher gasp in surprise.

“I‘m so sorry Renee.“ 

“Well...I don‘t know what kind of a person I was before that. Maybe I deserve it.“ Natalie instantly pulled Renee even closer, so much that it almost hurt...

“Don‘t say that! Nobody deserves that!“ 

Wraith was confused for a second...was...was Natalie shaking? She slowly turned around and noticed that her friend was still holding onto her left hand…Natalie she was crying.

_“Good job, you made her cry. That’s all what you’re good for.”_

Renee tried not to listen to the voice and hesitantly raised her right hand...she really didn‘t know what to do now.

“N-Nat?! Are you crying?“ 

“I‘m fine. I just...I can‘t imagine what you went through.“ Renee’s mouth went dry, the last thing she wanted was to make her friend cry. Slowly she raised her hand further and brushed the tears off Natalie’s face. However Renee didn‘t remove her hand…instead she caressed Nat’s cheek and carefully traced her lichtenberg scar while smiling as best as she could. Both of them were now fixated on the eyes of the other.

“Don‘t...don‘t cry because of me.“ murmured Renee but then she realized how this whole position looked like and she withdrew her hand.  
  
“I…uh…sorry for being so emotional.“ Said Natalie and rubbed her eyes. 

“Don’t be sorry for that…human emotions…did you forget?” At least Renee was able to get a small laugh out of the engineer. They sat in a somewhat awkward silence now and Wattson cleared her throat.

“Do you still want me to-“ began Natalie and Renee realized that she just sat there and had been staring at her friend.

“OH! YES! Sure.“ Renee stuttered and turned around...at least Natalie won‘t see her blushing…for now. She soon felt the soft fingertips running across her skin and applying pressure on certain points. Sometimes it really hurt and Renee hissed a few times because it was so unexpected. Besides the older woman was certainly distracted by the gentle hands of her friend. She braced for another wave of voices but - weirdly - they were quiet-ish for now. And the pain in her neck also lessened...it didn‘t disappear entirely but it was definitely better than before. 

“Okay, I think that‘s enough. I don‘t want to overdo it.“ Renee sighed - more about the fact that Natalie withdrew her hands and not about the reduced pain - and put her shirt on again. 

“Thanks...you‘re really good at this.“ Renee rubbed her face a bit to get rid of that annoying blush before she turned around…not that it worked.

“You think? I was a bit nervous but I‘m glad it worked out.“ Natalie clapped her hands together and gave her a big grin. Renee looked at her with surprise and raised an eyebrow while pointing at her own back.

“You didn‘t feel nervous.“ Natalie didn‘t say anything at first but her grin turned into a smirk and she leaned a bit towards Renee.

“Oh? You can tell from just that?“ and Natalie poked Renee softly in her shoulder blade. The older woman blinked in surprise and she could already feel another blush on her face.

“I-I...I mean.“ Renee couldn‘t really reply anything because Natalie was close...very close. 

“Sorry, sorry. I don‘t want to make you uncomfortable.“ Natalie still smiled but backed away from her.

“N-No...you‘re not!...I am comfortable!“ It was now impossible not to stare at the younger woman in front of her. How much Renee loved her blue eyes, her short puffy hair, her beautiful voice and her soft fingers...she wondered if Natalie’s lips were soft too - oh no she was staring at her lips. 

**“Kiss her“**  
_“No too dangerous!!“_  
**”You’re safe! Kiss her!”**  
_”She saw you being WEAK! DON’T DO IT!”_

“You seem very nervous though.“ Natalie tilted her head a bit to the right and stared deep into Renee’s eyes. After a few seconds Wattsons eyes widened and her mouth was partly open now - just as if she‘d have realized something. Renee now averted her gaze hoping that her friend wouldn‘t ask any more questions. But she jolted a bit up when she felt Natalie’s hand on her cheek. 

“N-Nat?! What are y-“ Natalie already cupped her chin and she drew the skirmisher closer and closer.

“...If you feel uncomfortable...make me stop.“ 

Before Renee could even react she already felt Natalies soft lips on hers. She could‘ve sworn that her heart skipped a beat and then realization hit her. Natalie was kissing her. Kissing her...right now. This was such an overwhelming sensation for Renee, it was like time just stopped. Slowly she kissed Natalie back and closed her eyes, god her lips were so soft. Renee slid her hand behind Nat‘s head and pulled her even closer to deepen the kiss. The younger woman sighed happily and grabbed Renee’s hair as well. After a few blissful moments they had to part eventually and both of their faces were fully flushed now.

“Nat...“ whispered Renee - she still couldn‘t believe it. Natalie cupped her cheek again and looked her deep in her eyes - smiling.

“It‘s funny you know...you’re always so mysterious but when I look into your eyes...I‘m able to see everything chérie.“ Natalie giggled a bit to herself while Renee still had to comprehend what just happened.

“I...are you...serious about this?“ Natalie gasped loudly and pouted at Renee’s reply.

“Of course I‘m serious!! You were always there for me in the past months and helped me through these rough times. You...you mean so much to me.“ 

“But what if...I...How can you even consider this? With me? I‘m not good with...feelings.“ 

“Oh Renee. Of course I consider this. And I’m not so sure about you’re not being good at the feelings thing. Like I said...your eyes tell a lot.“ Natalie rested her forehead against Renee’s and the older woman could‘ve melted away in this very moment. 

“I barely remember who I am. H-How do I even deserve you? What if I-“ Renee was mostly just saying what some of her voices told her the past weeks. It made her so insecure that she just realized how much it had strangled her. But Natalie already cut her off.

“Shush. Stop. That. Now! I love you Renee, nothing changes that.“ and with that Natalie softly pressed her lips against Renee’s for a short kiss. The older woman was shaking now. She just couldn’t understand - how can someone be so kind? And for the first time…Renee sunk her head into Natalie’s shoulder. Wattson hugged Renee tightly and after a few seconds she realized that Renee was…crying. The shuddering skirmisher clutched onto Natalie’s back and never ever wanted to let go off her...she still couldn‘t believe that her feelings weren‘t one-sided.

“I…I love you too Nat...so much…sorry that I’m...like this right now.“ Renee was barely able to talk through her sobs, she never recalled that she cried in front of anyone. Her voices always tormented her, telling her not to show any weakness in front of any person. Yet here she was, but…it didn’t feel bad. She felt so free, it was like recovering a piece of her lost self. Natalie softly pulled the older woman back and put Renee’s face in her hands, brushing her tears away.

“I got you. It‘s ok to cry…It’s a human thing…isn’t it?“ Natalie grinned at her and Renee choked out a silent laugh. Her head was spinning but she felt so relieved. It never crossed her thought that she was allowed to feel such a thing as love ever again.

“Guess we‘re both emotional today.“ said Renee with a soft chuckle after she calmed a bit down.

“So weird for us huh?“ and with that both laughed - Natalie had a point. Neither of them were good at expressing certain emotions so this was quite ironic. 

“Renee?“ Natalie asked very careful after a long pause and Renee raised an eyebrow.

“Can I...I‘ve never seen you with your hair down. May I?“ Renee blinked confused but huffed out a small laugh.

“Sure. It gets in the way that‘s why I keep it up there.“ Natalie nodded and slowly raised her hands to carefully undo Renee’s bun. Long raven hair fell down and the engineer just stared at Renee for a second.

“Mon Dieu...you look so beautiful with your hair down. I mean you always do! But...oh my.“ Natalie ran her fingers through Renee’s smooth hair and the skirmisher shivered a bit.

“...thanks.“ Renee wasn’t good with compliments so she just leaned forward and captured Natalie’s lips for another long kiss. The younger woman dug her fingers deeper into Wraiths hair and pulled her even closer. Renee couldn‘t help herself but slightly moan into the kiss. Natalie’s soft fingers at the back of her head and neck were just too much.

“Quite sensitive there aren‘t we?“ whispered Natalie with an amused expression and Renee just rolled her eyes.

“...will you...stay?“ 

“Do you want me to stay?“ Renee didn‘t quite know what to say because she was not sure if she accidentally implied something with that question or not.

“I-I...yes! But...do you mind if we...take things slow? Also it was...a long day and I‘m so tired.“ 

“I don‘t mind at all Renee. But we‘re definitely not sleeping on the couch.“ and Natalie gave her a soft kiss on the cheek. 

“That‘s fair.“ but Renee didn‘t get up...in fact she just nuzzled herself closer to Natalie which made the younger one giggle.

“We have to get up for that though.“  
  
“Yeah, yeah...in a minute ok?“ Natalie just shook her head and she suddenly grabbed Renee’s arm with one swift motion. The skirmisher didn‘t expect this and in the next moment she was already held bridal style by Natalie who was smirking. Renee knew that Natalie was strong, she saw her often enough inside the arena but it still caught her off guard. 

“Woah woah Nat! I‘m too heavy!“ 

“No you‘re not Reny.“ and the engineer just walked towards Renee’s bedroom. 

“Did you just-“ 

“Yes I did. I think it has a cute sound to it.“ Wattson grinned wide at this point but she was surprised that Wraith chuckled a little.

“It does when you‘re the one who‘s saying it.“ replied Renee and she watched Natalie’s face lighten up even more.

“Well it‘s the same for me when you call me Nat.“

Eventually Natalie set the smaller woman down who was blushing all across her face now. However Renee had to get up again, she was still in her clothes from before and that was definitely too uncomfortable to sleep in. 

“I‘ll get changed...do you need something?“ 

“Oh I‘m very comfortable. Don‘t worry about me.“ 

Renee just nodded - quickly changed her clothes into something cozy and got back on her bed again. She didn‘t bother with leaving the room and Renee noticed that Natalie had been staring at her. 

“Did you just stare at me?“ asked Renee with a raised eyebrow and the younger woman just giggled a bit.

“How can I not Reny? You‘re so beautiful.“ whispered Natalie.

“Well look who‘s talking.“ Renee smirked and laid down on her bed pulling the blanked over the both of them. Natalie nuzzled herself closer and hugged Renee who pulled the younger woman even closer to give her another kiss.

“Thanks for saving me today.“ whispered Renee and Natalie gave her a confused look.

“Of course! I would never abandon you in any fight...especially not the final fight against the last squad.“ replied the young engineer but Renee started laughing.

“I actually didn‘t mean that...but thanks for that too...no I meant thank you for looking after me.“ 

“Oooh. I‘ve got your back chérie...always.”

“And I’ve got yours.” 

“How are the voices now Renee?”

“They’re almost quiet now, thanks to you...It was so loud before that.” And Renee closed her eyes for a second, relishing the somewhat stillness in her head.

“I guess calming storms is my specialty after all.”

“Good one.” And both giggled for a second. 

“I love you Renee.” Whispered Natalie she was also very tired and her eyes were half closed by now.

“I love you too….oh and Nat.”

“Yes?“

“Elliott will loose it when you’re going call me Reny. So please do that a lot in the future. I want to see his face.“ Natalie snorted after that and Renee couldn’t keep herself from laughing too.

“Noted.” Replied the engineer - still grinning - and leaned in for another kiss, the feeling of Renee’s smile against her lips made her so unbelievable happy. The skirmisher made a mental note that giving her scarf to Natalie was probably the best thing she could‘ve ever done. Both were still processing that this was real and as they slowly drifted away - tender hands caressing each other - Renee still couldn’t believe it. It was quiet…besides of their own breathing. No shouting. No insecure thoughts. No arguing inside her head…for once - maybe just for a short period but still - Silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed it, thanks for reading! :)


End file.
